Neon Maniacs 2003 Horror Movie Review

The Neon Maniacs are a gang of mutant monsters that live inside the Golden Gate Bridge.  We never find out just who or what they are, but we do know that they come out at night to slaughter people, and that water kills them.  They use a variety of weapons including crossbows, swords, axes, guns and chains.  Each creature seems to have it’s own theme.  There’s a samurai, a doctor, a biker without a nose, an ape, a soldier, a Native American(he uses a tomahawk), a Toxic Avenger lookalike, a reptilian beast, an electricity shooting robotic type, and a few more.  They look sort of like a zombie/monster version of the Village people.  Natalie is the sole survivor of the opening Neon Maniac massacre(it’s stated she’s a virgin, so naturally that’s how she must have survived), and soon becomes their new target.  Why?  How the hell do I know?  So Natalie teams up with new boyfriend, Stephen and a horror movie obsessed girl named Paula.  Naturally the police are useless, even when they become involved.  Natalie, Stephen and Paula have a few chases and escapes with the Neon maniacs, but it all comes to a head at the battle of the bands at the local high school where we get treated to the rocking sounds of Quiet Riot wannabees, Jaded.  We also get a few tunes from Stephen’s fruity A-HA clone of a band.  Armed with squirt guns they go toe to toe with the Neon Maniacs.

Yup, this movie is about as dumb as it sounds, but that’s what makes it a fun little B monster flick.  Stephen and Natalie break numerous horror movie safety rules, the cops are about as cliched as it gets, the music doesn’t fit, and the monsters are silly(yet cool looking regardless), but these are all good things.  To me this film comes across as a kind of horror version of the Garbage Pail Kids movie.  Mindless monster fun.