Things 2010 Horror Movie Review

A guy and his friend go to his brothers house to drink a ton of beer and end up having to fight some ant-like sharp-toothed creatures that were born of the brother’s sickly wife.

Every once and a while along comes an obscure bargain basement shot-on-video horror that’s so utterly awful and inept it makes me giddy with delight and has me rolling on the floor in hysterics, this one takes the cake.

It could be the fuzzy sound dubbing, it could be the constantly awful dialogue, maybe it’s the muddy filmstock, or perhaps it’s the Casio keyboard music, heck it could even be the scientist with the to die for lame evil laugh to end evil laughs and of course there’s the pathetic paper-mache effects and laughable sound effects to consider…yep no doubt about it this is possibly the worst horror film ever made. So pathetic you wonder if the filmmakers weren’t aware they were making this piece of cinematic [**] during filming, but it’s the perfect “so bad, it’s good” film for lovers of bad cinema.

Just to share my favourite moments of godawful fun: when the characters watch a horror movie on TV and comment “this is stupid” which could apply to this entire movie, why [**] star Amber Lynn (apparently making her “mainstream movie debut”) is in this because all she does is read news stories while her eyes flitter back and forth to the cue cards, when a character says his friend was pulled through a mousehole to another dimension while nonchalantly paper-towling blood from all over him, why everyone is so unconcerned about being in the house with the monsters, the chainsaw creature killin’, the character commenting “you’ve been watching too many horror movies” when it’s apparent the people responsible for this need to see much much more of them and the fact we have the most inactive creatures in history that crawl around slower than a snail and at times are “sleeping” according to our so-called “hero”.