Severed 2002 Horror Movie Review

Severed (Matt Green, 2002)

I’ve seen many bad movies this year, as I do every year, but I’m not convinced that I have seen any that have been worse than Severed, Matt Green’s straight-to-video Vanessa Sanchez (ex-WCW) vehicle that combines serial murder, voodoo, and New Age claptrap into something that I’m not sure it’s possible to fully describe—or even define—without the liberal use of expletives.

The plot, if I can call it that: a serial killer is beheading victims in a nameless big city. A cop named Martin Blake (Peter Reh, in his first, and to date final, screen appearance) is getting nowhere trying to catch this guy until he runs into a fortune teller, Evangelina Lavoue (Sanchez), who puts him on the right track. I’m sure that, while watching the movie, I saw how the two of them get together; two days later, while writing this, I can’t remember. 

What I do remember about this dog is how very, very bad it is. The quality, on every level, is pathetic. One other review I read called it [...] quality, and that’s right on the money. The film stock, the acting, the script, the music, all looks very familiar if you happen to own the collected works of, say, Ginger Lynn. The only problem is, there’s a decided lack of money shots. And plot. (Yes, I’ve seen the occasional [...] film that has a better plot than this.) I mean, come on, a fortune teller who doesn’t know how to lay out a basic tarot card reading? Yeah, that I remember. (zero)