Prehistoric Women 1999 Horror Movie Review

Deep in the African jungle, great white hunter David Marchant (Michael Latimer) discovers a secret Amazon society where blondes don’t have more fun. Captured after trespassing on the sacred grounds of a dangerous tribe of albino-rhino worshippers, he escapes execution by entering a hidden land where women in fur bikinis have enslaved the men, and the brunettes are served by subservient (and quite buxom) blonde slaves. Naturally David falls for cleavage-endowed Saria (Edina Ronay), who believes he is their legendary savior, while the vicious, dark Queen Kari (Martine Beswick) decides to make him her own personal servant to cater to her… every need. Director-producer Michael Carreras (who also wrote the film under the pseudonym “Henry Younger”) reused leftover sets from One Million Years B.C. and never leaves the confines of the studio for this campy bit of jungle-woman cheese, which threatens to become overwhelmed by its claustrophobic atmosphere. We get tribal “hoochie-koochie” dances, a Vegas floor show by the blondes, sacrifices to the “devils of the darkness” (with such regularity you have to wonder how they haven’t run out of candidates), and Queen Kari takes a milk bath à la Cleopatra. Beswick is the only performer who hits the right note of overheated melodrama; the other cast members seem to be taking this goofy claptrap far more seriously than it deserves. Beware the white rhinoceros! —Sean Axmaker