DarkSecret


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Lost Love

Well I found my prince... and it hurts like hell... Let me start at the beginning...

We met through friends. I was still engaged actually. But when i saw him, i just knew... I just felt a connection, but i kept it to myself. I knew i couldn't do anything and he was way out of my league... And then i broke off my engagement with his best friend. Hehe doesn't put me in a good light.. but thats not the point of this story...
I started flirting with him. Slowly, but it was like throwing a spark on petrol. We just exploded. And it was wonderful. At first we kept it a secret and when we told those close to us, it was hell on earth. So we ended everything, faught for 3 weeks long. Damn that was a good fight hehe... And then we saw each other again. WOW!!! that is all i can say... We slept together ... and boy was i blown away.. The care , the tenderness, the magic... it was everything... just perfect...
So we saw each other again... hehe it took him awhile to admit we are a couple.. the day before he just looked at me and said, i will never love you in a romantic way... and tears streamed down my face... i just couldn't believe, the guy i loved with every beat of my heart, didn't and refused to love me back... WOW again.... talk about being knocked off your feet... So that night i lied in bed and thought, what am i going to do now??? Will i keep at it no matter what, or will i just cut my losses....
I stayed at it... I chose to stay with him, because i loved him. No doubts , nothing... I knew i wanted this man in my life, i wanted to be with him and if i had to wait 1000 years for him, then i would do it without hesitation... he was my prince, my heart, apart of my soul, my gift from God... I couldn't turn my back...
And then the amazing happened... He admitted we are a couple!!!! My heart exploded... I was so happy to have him... so happy that he made it public... and everyone was happy for us.. some had to get use to it, but for the most part, everyone was happy... My heart just lifted.... and i flew...
Oh he teased me senselessly... he made me laugh and taught me new things, we took long walks, we talked about our dreams, we faught, we cried.... and then we loved... hehe he tricked me into saying I love you .... I will never forget that day... Here i was making sure i didn't slip up with those 3 most wonderful yet dangerous words... and he just knocks the wind out of me, by tricking me to say it first and then saying it back!!!!!! Can you believe it??? My handsome, dangerous, most loveable man admitted he loved me... could my world get any better??? I dont think so...
And so we went on with our relationship... We grew together, we cried together, we loved together... Family dinners, evenings alone, watching movies, cuddling, making love... He taught me how to trust ... how to love... how to be me... and yet with all this, i was holding myself back... There was one wall inside my heart that i just didn't reveal... It was my secret.. Oh i so wanted to reveal it... i wanted to be open.. i wanted him to know... But my fear was stronger than me... I couldn't do it... what if he didn't want me anymore... and that was only one question in my mind...
And so we started to fight... Ahhh the fights ate us up... We couldn't see anything except faults. We couldn't hold it in... We pushed each other away, not knowing that we hurt each other more... And so it all came crashing down. We broke each other, we hurt and we left...
Now trying to keep a smile on whenever i see him, is so hard, because , to be really honest, i miss him... my heart calls to him, my life is nothing... everything i gain out of life means nothing, without him at my side.. I wanted to marry him... I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. A greater love will never be found. I love him...
And now all the people around me falls in love an gets engaged... and my heart breaks... that was my dream, i want to shout... i want to take him and scream at him, that i want what we lost briefly... i am ready to show him, i am ready to open up... My tears just flow and nothing i do, can change that... I want him forever... I want my love... Why did i have to fall for someone so completely????
I knew that the day i fall, it will be forever... My heart will never just give herself to someone.... But my heart gave herself away, to my prince... and now i just want to shake him and scream: "don't you see what we lost? dont you want it back? dont you love me anymore? wake up and see ..... Please, i am begging you" My heart cannot survive without you..
Oh please let this pain end.. I want him back... I was so patient the whole time we were together... why couldn't he just wait... why couldn't he just be happy with what i gave him... Why couldn't he just accept me for me... Why can't he see that we are perfect... Oh Father please bring my life, my breath, my soul back to me... I am begging you.....
I want my love back... Please let him wake up and see what is right in front of him. Please let him be happy with what i gave. Please let him see we are meant to be. Please let him be patient.... I was always the patient one, and the one time i needed him to be patient, he wasn't... but this is my fault aswell... i shouldn't have kept myself closed from him...
Please let the punishment stop... I know deep within me, that we are meant to be... Please make my wish come true... Help me to make this happen... I want him , out of his own free will, to come and tell me he wants us to be forever... Becaue with all of his [**]... i will still do forever with him... With all the games and mood swings, i will do forever...
I don't want to make this sacrifice this time... I have lots everything in my life, please don't make me lose my love aswell... I am dying inside. Please bring life back into me... I want till death do us part... I want eternity... I want love....
I want him....
That is my request....

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