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I want one thing, but I have to do another. I want to have the right to stand as one, yet I am not allowed to do that. I am tired of hiding. I don't want to feel like I did something wrong. I want more. I want everyone to know who I am and what my title is. Such conflicting emotions over such a thing in my life. I hate doing somethings but I have no choice. I keep everyone happy and I want to keep him happy. And yet there are some things that just hurt and I really don't want to do them anymore, but I have to. I want everyone to know. I don't want to hide anymore. I want to be open, be free and I can't. I don't know how to do this. I used to do this all the time and then I changed. I chose to live differently. I am extremely happy and I don't want to lose what I have. I just don't like hiding in the dark. It makes me feel bad. Makes me feel like a bad person. I don't like that. I hope that one day I won't have to hide anymore, but the chances of that happening is slim. I want more. Not commitment. I want to be recognized. I want to be seen. I want to be known. I hate secrets. Secrets turn dark. They suck the life out of you. They kill. But I will fight to keep what I have. I will not give in. I may be weak but my strength over powers my weakness. I will not give up. I will trust and believe. I will take the pain and look for the pleasure. What is pleasure without pain? What is day without night? What is life without death?

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