Je2s005
User
Posts: 7
Registered:
06-23-2010
Location:
Cal
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 posted on 06-23-2010 05:27 pm
"Have You Checked on the Children?"
Mr. and Mrs. Williams have been happily married for fifteen years
with two beautiful children named Ben, who is ten years old, and
Jennifer, who is eight years old. After a long week of work Mr. and
Mrs. Williams decide to take a Friday night to themselves. The couple
left the kids home with their seventeen year old babysitter, Amanda.
Amanda was your average teenage girl, sweet and innocent
around adults but always looking for a good time when the opportunity
comes around. Amanda called up her boyfriend Cody and told him to head
over after she put the kids to bed. As Amanda was preparing the kids
favorite chicken tender dinner she heard a loud clanking on the window
next to the front door. She went to check it out but saw nothing except
an empty walkway on a stormy night.
After dinner and an hour of cartoons Amanda took the kids up stairs
to tuck them in. Amanda returned downstairs and could not find her cell
phone anywhere, and then the house phone rang. There was a mysterious
silence when she first answered the phone and then she heard a dark
creepy voice say the words she will never forget, "have you checked on
the children?" Amanda played it off as just a prank call but little did
she know it was much more than that. The night storm carried on and the
thunder continued to roar. The power suddenly shut off throughout the
house. Amanda then was startled by a knock on the door.
Amanda was relieved to see that it was Cody at the front door. The
two sat in the living room when they heard loud barking coming from the
garage. As they stepped into the garage they were mortified to see the
family dog lying in a pool of its own blood. Amanda and Cody rushed
inside and began to panic. As Cody stayed in the living room Amanda
rushed up stairs to check on Ben Jennifer. She told them to hide in
their parents' clothes chest until she came back. When Amanda returned
to the living room she saw Cody sitting still with a large knife lodged
into his head. She immediately took Cody's cell phone and called 911.
As soon as she got off the phone she saw a massive masked man standing
across the hallway. Amanda darted out the back door but didn't make it
far after the man threw a knife at the back of her leg. The man pulled
the knife out of Amanda's leg and slowly slit her throat. The police
arrived shortly after only to find the bodies of Amanda and Cody, but
no trace of Ben and Jennifer.
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Megara
User
Posts: 411
Registered:
06-17-2010
Location:
Mobile, AL(yay for hicks...)
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posted on 06-23-2010 09:08 pm
There are a few grammatical errors, but it was an acceptable story for your first time.
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Princess
User
Posts: 1403
Registered:
05-01-2010
Location:
Lagrange Georgia
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posted on 06-23-2010 09:23 pm
i left him a word on his profile i love it it sounds like it really happened.
Paige Amaria Uchiha,roses or red voilets or blue hurt my friends and family your dead enough said.
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Sifor
Forums Administrator
Posts: 1824
Registered:
05-18-2010
Location:
With her :)
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posted on 06-24-2010 03:53 am
Sounds like "When a Stranger Calls." If you wouldn't mind, can you post another? I would hate to be biased due to similarities
“You resemble death. quick, silent, terrifiying. yet beautiful, irresistible and forever.”
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Sifor
Forums Administrator
Posts: 1824
Registered:
05-18-2010
Location:
With her :)
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posted on 06-24-2010 03:53 am
Sounds like "When a Stranger Calls." If you wouldn't mind, can you post another? I would hate to be biased due to similarities
“You resemble death. quick, silent, terrifiying. yet beautiful, irresistible and forever.”
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Jackie
Forums Moderator
Posts: 1500
Registered:
12-06-2009
Location:
Gaines, PA
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posted on 06-26-2010 02:22 pm
Sifor, I was thinking the same. But I don't want to be biased either.
~Goddess of the Night. Elder to my own~
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DarkMatter
User
Posts: 504
Registered:
06-02-2010
Location:
Las Vegas, California
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posted on 06-26-2010 06:08 pm
hey, if you guys like boooks go to bookrix.com pm me for more info i wrote some stories people really liked
Okay I’m crazy, but who (**) cares? I mean…do you? Cause if you do, don’t you dare talk to me! You’ve made me cry now…wahhhh!!!
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